September 3, 2008 Evening Pages - Philip's Blue Eyed Soul Hall of Fame, Pt. 1

Gonna take this morning to talk about “Blue Eyed Soul.” Now, some folks love the term, others hate it. Myself, I find it makes it a lot easier to effectively tell people what kind of sound I have. Yes, of course, it's all Soul Music. But “Blue Eyed” is a distinction that only a few of us can truly pull off well. Here's my quick tribute to the best of the best:

(I started this list, and I know I'm forgetting someone. I also realized this is going to be a 2-part blog. Forgive me.)

Elvis Presley



Got to give it up for the first. Elvis was really the first white guy to fool the masses into thinking he was black. His voice gave him the huge crossover it took the pioneer a whole new sound.


Jerry Lee Lewis



Taking the best of what Elvis had and adding his own sass and, more importantly, piano to the mix.


The Righteous Brothers



The original Blue Eyed Soul duo. Bill Medley's voice alone is about a dark as they come.


Teena Marie



One of the first Blue Eyed Soul divas. You can't deny how sultry and funky this girl is.


Bobby Caldwell



Just take a listen to “What You Won't Do For Love” and tell me this guy doesn't have soul.


Daryl Hall



Probably one of my biggest influences. Hall took vocal smoothness and combined it with keyboard elegance and sharp songwriting. A soul god in his own right.


John Oates



Not to be ignored but rather highlighted as his own entity. John Oates was more than simply the quiet half of a legendary duo. He composed and produced for several acts in the 80's and 90's to leave a strong legacy of his own.


Michael McDonald



More than likely my single biggest influence in this genre. Michael McDonald's voice took smooth to the same kind of level that Hall's took agressive. But what really separates Michael Mc Donald from the pack is this sheer brilliance as a songwriter. His songs evoke passion, change, heartache and romance all at the same time. No one writes like this guy these days.


Bobby Kimball



Possibly overshadowed due to the fact that he's with a group. But this, the original Toto lead singer, has a range and a mastery of voice that very few have. Bobby was probably one of the first guys I heard that could truly “riff” like a black vocalist but still keep the edge of a rock star.


Gino Vanelli



This Canadian Soulster stuck a resonant chord with smash hits like “I Just Wanna Stop” and “Living Inside Myself.” But the best gems from this guy are ones that never hit the airwaves. And songwriting! Don't even get me started. Take a listen to “Lucky Man” and tell me this guy isn't coming from somewhere uniquely genuine.


Boz Scaggs



Smooth, elegant, with a very dark soulful voice. Boz is undeniably someone you immediate go to for solid 70's soul, of any color.

END OF PART ONE. STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!

Blogged with the Flock Browser

August 31, 2008 Morning Pages

Slowly dragging myself out of the funk I've been in. It was nice to have a good day out in the sun with the wife and mom-in-law yesterday. The Hermosa Beach Festival was a lot less insane than last year; actually manageable. I just remember last year it being hot, muggy, crowded, and impossible to traverse. Not only were we able to sample a good variety of food, we were also able to easily get table space, walk to whole festival with ease and even listen to some of the bands down there.

As much as I'd like to eventually be one of the bands to play this event, I fear it'll probably never happen simply due to the fact that most of the acts are tribute bands. And though I think a Toto/Hall & Oates tribute would be well received, it's just something I intend to put on my plate in the near future.

(Actually, I would love to have a Toto tribute band. It would absolutely kick ass, and I would have an absolute ball doing it. If Led Zepagain can be the toast of the South Bay, I'm pretty sure my Toto band would clean house. But 1) it's hard enough to find musicians for my own project let alone a cover band, and 2) I need to be making my own bloody music right now. This would be too easy of a distraction. But, as an aside, they are one of the best bands ever. If anyone out there ever does form a tribute band in the LA area, please give me a call. I'll sing and play the shit out of that stuff.)



Day 2 of my “vacation.” Hopefully the agenda today is brunch and a movie with the wife, and then I have a few personal things to take care of. There's a phone call I've been putting off for some time now, and I think this weekend is the time to take care of it. It's not something I'm looking forward to, but it's necessary. A friendship is resting on it, and so is my self-respect.

When I first sat down to write this today, I had contemplated doing a review of Blue Eyed Soul over the ages. And though it sounds like a lot of fun, I think it's actually going to take a little more forethought than a simple stream-of-consciousness rambling in this forum. But with the upcoming release of the new Robin Thicke record (translated: Philip severely needs to get his shit together), it might be appropriate to educate the masses that there are several other artists out there (translated: ME!) that are putting out this kind of excellent music. I do have to admit, I was impressed by Mr. Thicke's interview in Billboard, and I hope his calling Vibe magazine out for not putting a white artist on the cover (except Eminem, where the fuck is the logic?) doesn't backfire on him.



I haven't decided if aping the visual motif from his last record is lazy or brilliant, and it looks like the release date's been pushed from Sep 9 to Sep 30. I hope to God they don't cram that duet version of “Magic” featuring Mary J. Blige on this record. These last-minute duets are obviously sales ploys and really piss me off. Here's hoping Thicke's release is a solid one but obviously not a brilliant as what's coming up from yours truly.

Well, I'm back on a reasonable clip with the writing again. Took me long enough. Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow with even more brilliance. Peace.

August 30, 2008 Noon Pages

Right.

This is the essence of the whole principal of the morning pages. I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm going to write here today. As per previous entries, I've been pretty lethargic, depressed, and pretty much uninspired for the better part of a week or two. My creative drive has been reduced to squat, and my confidence is about non-existent. I really don't feel like I've got anything to give lately. Which is a real drag, because it's not like I don't have plenty of ideas brewing or on the back-burner.

But it's also Labor Day weekend, and probably the last best hope for me to have any kind of break or vacation before the holidays. I've got 72 hours to try to recharge, relax, and find some way to look forward to the months to come.

So today I'm heading out with the wife and mom-in-law to the Hermosa Beach Festival. This is something they do every Memorial Day and Labor Day weekend. It's got vendors, artists, and bands, and it's generally a pretty cool vibe.

Well, mom-in-law just arrived, so I'll try to make a serious entry tomorrow. It's really time for me to get back into my groove again.

August 28, 2008 Morning Pages - Crawling out from under the rock which I'm hiding

Not a lot of time to journal today, but I wanted to begin getting my creative momentum back. Truth to tell, I've been a little lost, lonely and confused about a lot of things and I've shut up just about completely in an effort to deal with them. I've felt lethargic, depressed, nearly sick. What a terrible way to spend August--generally one of my favorite months.

I've also been caught up in the middle of a whole hot mess of drama that seems to be getting worse rather than better. And that makes me sad.

The good news is that the wife and I had a pretty encouraging talk last night, and it's made me think about what's most important in my life.

But first things first: time to crawl out from under the rock I've been hiding the past few days. Apologies to any of you that have wondered where the hell I was. I'll work on getting right soon.

August 21, 2008 Morning Pages - I have talented friends

Not a lot of time to blog today, and since most of the time all I do is talk about myself in these pages I thought I'd go for something a little different.

The great thing about the internet is how accessible content is nowadays. Combine that with some of the talented people I know and that makes for hopefully a pretty exciting entry. So here's a taste of some of the gifted folks I call friends.

First up is my friend Tony T. I played with Tony in a couple bands back in NYC. Tony is one serious cat. His probably most notable claim to fame was being a part of the "Late Night" band in the early David Letterman days, before Anton Fig. A true gentleman and all around nice-guy, Tony comes from serious old-school drumming, siting influences like Buddy Rich and Gene Crupa.



Next up is Lydia. Now, I've never had the privilege of actually meeting her, but I feel like a kindred spirit with her because the girl is so fundamentally FUNKY. Looks like she's played with the likes of Candy Dulfer and Marcus Miller, and that's good enough to win much respect in my book. Plus, she can SANG. Check this.



Another drummer friend of mine. David Penna is a product rep for Korg. He's also a great songwriter and producer. And I didn't know this at all, but he has a deep love for Jungle Music and Drum and Bass.



I'll wrap this up with Carla Lynne Hall, the DIY Diva. Besides being probably one of the coolest people I know, Carla is a veru talented singer/songwriter in her own right. She also has a great blog for musicians called Rock Star Life Lessons. Pay attention.



That's it for today. I'm gonna be so late for work.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Drummers, looking to improve your chops? Check out my buddy Tony T's videos. http://ping.fm/fCgUH

is checking out Ben Lazar's awesome article on Imani Coppola http://ping.fm/1ThIK

is cranking out PDFs.

is giving his friends serious love. It sucks to be on my bad side right about now.

download my record for FREE at Aime Street! http://ping.fm/idHIL

New morning pages are up. http://ping.fm/wWn1h or http://ping.fm/6roKO

August 19, 2008 Morning Pages

Man, it was hard to get up this morning. Probably because I was late getting to bed last night. I've also been taking Tai Chi lessons on Monday nights, and my instructor tells me that has a way of keeping up up and restless.

I'm enjoying the Tai Chi very much; I just wish I could remember all the moves. So far we've gone from preparation to 'brush knee and strike right." My retention is terrible, and part of the reason is because I simply don't practice. Now I'm completely guilty of what I used to tell people who never studied their instrument. The whole thing is a great exercise in learning something that, so far, I'm just not very good at. It's taking me completely out of my element and forcing me to get over myself and press on. And I love it. This is something I've always wanted to learn, and I'm sticking with it no matter how difficult it is.


Another thing that I'm committed to until fruition is the Thirty Day Challenge. I've been trying diligently to catch up with the lessons, and I've already learned so much. But my discovery last night was huge.


I'm talking about Flock. I truly believe my days as a Firefox user are numbered because of this awesome web browser. Not only is it fully functional, intuitive, and speedy; it is designed to integrate several social networking sites, email, newsfeeds, blogs--all by itself. Once you've set it up for the first time, all of your personal information is at your fingertips. Plus you can easily drag and drop information as you see fit. It's actually a seriously powerful piece of software, and I can't wait to see what kind of damage I can do with it. The whole thing about the 30dc is to streamline your browsing experience so you have more time to capitalize on targeting your niche audience. I'm picking up the one aspect very quickly, I can't wait to learn the next. For anyone wishing to delve into internet marketing, this FREE online workshop is highly recommended.

Briefly, my friend Christian and I were having a conversation about what appears to be comic pros need to fuss, fight, and create otherwise unsavory drama. And although I've been a party to this myself, in my early days, I really can't believe what I'm seeing lately. It seems that some of these people are just stirring up the shit so they can get noticed and make a bigger name for themselves, thinking that that will somehow yield them some kind of deal quicker. What it's really doing is turning off people who could potentially be their audience and giving the comic book industry a bad rep. These guys need to take lessons from folks like Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, Frank Miller and Mark Millar--that rarely does personal drama get you anywhere. What really gets you anywhere is the work you create.

This is a lesson that, thanks to these other examples, I can easily remind myself of. It puts a lot of the past couple weeks in perspective and clears my head to go out and do exactly what it is I need to.

Testing, testing, one two three...

Just testing out a new way to blog stuff. If you like what you see, why don't you go pick it up?

Blogged with the Flock Browser

just discovered Flock, and it is good.

August 18, 2008 Morning Pages - Dreams, 30-day Challenge, and more

Ever have one of those dreams when there's a character in it about to dispense some kind of really important knowledge--something mind-shattering and truly earth-changing--when, all of a sudden, just as he's about to speak this ultimate pearl of wisdom, your alarm goes off?

Welcome to my Monday. I hate those kind of dreams almost as much as the dream where you've met this amazingly beautiful woman. And for some unbelievable reason (hey, it's a dream) she wants to have sex with you. You kiss, engage in some very awe-inspiring foreplay and just as your about to have the dream sex of your life...well, we all know what happens.

I don't know why my subconscious is pulling the rug out from under me like that lately. Perhaps it's sending me a message. Get it while the getting's good. Maybe that was the mind-shattering revelation I missed this morning. I reflect on this knowing that I've been doing the exact opposite for the past couple weeks. That I've been so hurt and depressed by recent events that I'd pretty much shut down creatively, and now I'm kicking myself for the progress I've lost. I have to remember I have a lot of shit to do and it's not going to do itself.

So please let this be the end of my suffering and anger due to recent events. Let this serve as notice that I truly don't care what my enemies say about me, because--as Michael Franti--would say: If I'm not making enemies, I'm not doing my job. There will always be petty, jealous people out there trying to nay-say you or steal your thunder. I simply need to be focused and confident enough to not care about them or what they have to say. My mistake was trusting those people long enough to let them rattle me in the first place.

Anyway, on to other things. I've been late to the party on the Thirty Day Challenge, and I wanted to take a moment to plug it. Ed Dale has taken the time and energy to help you--yes, even you--to make your first $10 online. I'm still in the preseason, but even the tips to supercharge your web browser and streamline your ability to discover and manage content on the web has been impressive. I highly recommend Bloglines for anyone that browses blogs and news feeds with any kind of frequency. There's also StumbleUpon, which if placed in the wrong hands could be a monumental time waster. But, thanks to Ed, in a relatively short amount of time, I've been able to centralize my news sources without having to load a bunch of windows in my browser--which is pretty fucking huge. I'm going to try to catch up to the rest of the program as quickly as I can this week, and I also need team members. So if this is something that sounds even remotely interesting to you, please sign up and get back to me letting me know you're needing a team. Perhaps we can help each other out.

As long as I'm plugging sites, there are a couple music-based sites that I've found very interesting. Rock Star Life Lessons is run by my good friend and colleague, Carla Hall. Also, if you like Soul Music, check out Ben Lazar's Deeper Shade of Soul blog. He just wrote a moving tribute to the recent passing of producer and music mogul Jerry Wexler.

That's all I really have time for today, and I didn't even get to lay out my goals for the week. I'll post those tomorrow, hopefully.

August 17, 2008 Noon Pages

Sorry I missed yesterday, took a much-needed day for myself. Ended up hanging at the beach and having a great hang with my friend Scott. Nice to finally find a male friend out here that I feel I have a lot in common with.

Anyway, this entry will more than likely be Part 2 of my “You're All Wrong” posting. You see, there was a reason I posted that the other day. I knew it was filled will anger, bile, venom and hate. I knew it was released to enflame and irritate. I knew I was potentially unleashing a very negative sentiment and that I might turn a lot of people off with it.

Did I mean any of those things I wrote? Only slightly. It was mainly for show.

Part of being a creator also means being a fictionalist. While these morning pages are mostly biographical, they are not completely. Part of this exercise is to keep my creative juices, and as a result there will more than likely be material here that doesn't necessarily come off as being exactly how I feel about things.

Am I angry sometimes? Surely. Do I sometimes wish my detractors and enemies ill-will? Occasionally. Do I truly believe the tirade I unleashed upon you, the masses, the other day?

Nah.

But there is a voice in everyone of us as a creative. A voice that has to ignore reality and the conventions of common society. Anyone that has truly thrived in a creative industry, such as the entertainment business, has done so because the ignored common sense long enough to attain their goals.

You don't think Prince, or Picasso, or George Clooney would have been the creative giants they are if they had listened to the sensible precautions they received when they were younger. “An artist?” I can hear it now. “You want to be an artist? Why not try something more stable? You're good with numbers. Why not become an accountant?”

Could you imagine what kind of world we'd live in if Prince had become an accountant instead of the musical god he is?

That's the kind of thing we creatives have to hear every day. Especially as we're struggling to become something greater than what we currently are. And I bet you, at this very moment, there is an accountant out there in the world just plotting and planning for his time in the spotlight as something greater than his previous programming. I live in a city of waitresses, graphic designers, janitors, and nurses just holding out for their shot at stardom.

You see, I have always held the belief that I am a super-hero. Call it years of reading and then eventually creating too many comic books. But the super-hero has the best mindset when it comes to being larger than you actually are. Secret identity and all. By day, you're a mild-mannered photographer for a major metropolitan newspaper. By night, you're swinging over the rooftops of Manhattan, climbing walls and taking out the scum and villainy that preys upon the innocent. Who doesn't want to be like that?

Every single creative person has the same alter-ego going on with them every day. It's the only thing that keeps us going. I have to believe that one day I will be a star, that something I have created will be appreciated by a greater audience. Hell, might even improve or affect the world which is so much larger and greater than myself.

This is the grand self-deception that we artists must have to stay alive. Because if we didn't have it, this world would just be filled with plain folks.

So realize that I've spent years knowing that “with great power comes great responsibility.” I've taken a lot of time to truly realize whether I'm using my powers for good and evil. Those of you that truly know me know that I am a creature of light. That I could never be mindfully harmful of anyone or anything. That I am always trying to create, to heal. And I have a body of work to back that up.

I am a hero. Those of you that question that might want to take another look at who's telling you differently. Maybe they've made decisions that are not as righteous.

Don't have as much time this morning to crank out the tirade I had planned, which is probably a good thing. Instead, I'll just go stream-of-consciousness and send a fairly brief message to all my detractors.

You might remember a couple days ago I took the temperature here on how many people are still paying attention and/or support my endeavors. The response was somewhat light. But to those people I say a genuine and heartfelt 'thank you.' The messages, IM, and emails that I got from you were humbling and inspiring at the same time. I thank you for your well wishes and appreciate having you on my side and in my life.

What follows is for the rest of you, to those that do not support me and/or maybe actually be going out of their way to sabotage my progress or good name...

You're all wrong.

And if you think that your slings and arrows are going to dissuade me; if you think that you can back-stab me, spit in my face, disrespect me or try to ruin me, you've got another thing coming. Far worthier people have tried and failed. I'm a survivor, and I'm far more clever and talented and any single one of you. I've pulled myself from a cow-town in B-fucking-E Wyoming to being one of the most respected session players in New York City. I've played The Apollo, for fuck's sake. I started my own publishing company, and I released my science fiction epic to rave reviews. And I've earned the admiration and respect of my peers and colleagues in the comic book industry. I even uprooted all that from New York and re-planted it in LA, and after all that it's flourishing.

I've battled a broken home, divorced parents, trailer parks, depression, a schizophrenic mother, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, small press collectives, pathetic internet feuds, song sharks, shady managers, Hollywood blowhards, corporations, hacks, liars, muggers, hookers, overly loud guitar players and crack addicts. And I'm still here to tell the tale.

And you are not ready for what's coming from me. You simply are not. I am going to come on harder than the fundamental tone of the loudest 808 boom you've ever experienced. I am going to rattle walls, shatter windows, scare the bejeezus out of your household pets, make your women cream and your men reconsider their alleged manhood.

You're not ready. So I advise you to stay out of my way. Especially those of you that have pissed me off. You know who you are.

You've got nothing. You're a bunch of amateurs.

What the fuck have you done, anyway?

August 14, 2008 Morning Pages - On the Kirkman Manifesto

Ok, it's time to get back to it. I've spent enough time wallowing in depression, and frankly I'm sick of it. There's simply too much to do, and never enough time to do it.

Today I'm thinking about a couple subjects, but first I want to discuss Robert Kirkman's Mission Statement. First of all, that's a misnomer. What he posted was not a true mission statement--something that outlines his personal platform and goals for his life or career--but rather a series of opinions on how he feels the comic industry should be running. The title "video editorial" is much more suitable to "mission statement." I got nothing out of the video that told me who Kirkman thinks he is and what he personally intends to do with this newfound stature he's attained.

That said, I did find his remarks intriguing. In fact, he's not really saying anything at this point that a lot of us indie comic book folk don't already feel. but I think he offers some great philosophies and alternatives for creators that get stuck working for the Big Two and then get discarded like so much rubbish. And if you follow the examples of folks who have already applied his philosophy (Neil Gaiman, Mark Millar, Frank Miller), you can see he's pretty spot on with his assessment that there's only so much wealth to be had working for Marvel or DC. He also makes a pretty compelling case about the market of Fanboys (or, more accurately, FanMEN), and how that role could very well be the last nail in the coffin of mainstream comics. Plus, I know a lot of creators that absolutely get stuck in the predicament Kirkman describes: going to work for the Big Two and then having nothing to show for it at the end of the day. All that creation and not any way to profit from it in the long run.

Now, I'm a fan of Brian Michael Bendis, and listening to Kirkman made me really think about the position he's in at this point. Bendis is a prime candidate for being swept under the rug just as Kirkman describes. Because, what's he really got at Marvel that's going to pay off long term. He's got Powers, and that's about it. Every thing else he's done for the House of Ideas has been with their characters. He's spent years hammering out stories about Spidey, Wolverine, The Avengers, etc. Those stories will eventually fade into history and he won't see a dime for them. The best Bendis could do to profit from his contracts at Marvel is to become Editor-in-Chief, and I don't see that kind of thing happening for quite a long time. He might be one of those creators that might do well jumping ship, as Kirkman suggests. Geoff Johns is another one of these people. What the hell is he going to do once his star fades?

I think Kirkman did well to shine some light on the fact that the comic book industry is going to need original content to survive; that Marvel and DC are huge corporations that, at this state, will run themselves. That there is a home for superheroes, and there always will be. The the best an independent creator can do is just that: create. Come up with as many original properties as you can and hang onto to the IP rights with all your might. We've seen that Hollywood is scooping up just about every comic book property it can right now. Whether that's going to be a benefit or a detriment in the long run remains to be seen.

But one thing's for certain: it's the best chance for small guys like me to profit from this whole business. So, thank you, Robert Kirkman. Even though your mission statement was poorly named, you got your point across. I'm sure comic creators all over the world will be talking about it for a while.

That's all I have time for today. Tomorrow: You're All Wrong.

August 13, 2008 Morning Pages - Please Check In!

Don't have a ton of time this morning, but I did want to start getting back into the habit of journaling here again. It's been a rough couple of weeks, but I've worked out a lot of the issues that have kept me from recording my thoughts. I wish I could make them public, but I really needed to internalize to keep from upsetting certain parties.

That said, at this point I am rallying for your support. There is going to come a time soon when I will be calling on my friends, fans, colleagues and associates, and I need to know who's still paying attention out there. The lackluster response to announcements I made during Comic Con week leads me to believe that the answer is simply: not many folks are paying attention. It's a dangerous position an artists finds himself in when he feels he's lost his audience. And worse, it's an even more dangerous position that one finds himself in when he feels he's lost actual friends.

I don't do this a lot; call out for support. But I do need it right now. I need to know who's still on my side; who is still committed to my mission. So I'm asking any and all that are reading these words to please add a comment expressing your support. I need to rally a team together, and soon I will be calling on each and everyone of you. Do me a favor and make yourselves known here. And please join my mailing list here. Please?

Who here is still on Team Phil?

August 10, 2008 Midnight Pages

Yeah, it's about time I came back to explain some things.

I've missed this process. I've missed being able to write without any real consequence or restriction. It's too bad that I've been self-censoring. I shouldn't have to do that, but I am ever conscious of pissing some person or rather off, so I've been keeping my trap shut.

It was probably a wise move, because I really have some pretty flammable opinions right now. Those of you that know me probably know what they are, so it doesn't make any sense to go negative.

The lesson this week: let it go and move on. I thank my friend Mike for that. The good news is that fortune has again maybe swung in my favor. So from this point on, it's full steam ahead.

I've needed these couple weeks to regroup and reform. Expect some serious shit to hit this week. Stay tuned.

Tomorrow, expect a real morning page.

August 4, 2008 Morning Pages

Just a quick note to let those that care that I'm alive and well. Feeling a little more hopeful about the week to come but still not inspired enough to write anything that's not going to come across as angry and bitter.

So I'm just working on me for the moment. Thanks to those of you that have contacted me with your concern. It means a lot.

July 31, 2008 Morning Pages

There are no words for how I'm feeling right now.

So I have to try to magically conjure up some. I had promised myself I would leave negativity out of this journal, but there is so much going horribly wrong with me right now I really have nothing else to say. Plus, I just need to get the shit out. So, if you're expecting sunshine and roses today, I suggest you stop reading now and just wait for tomorrow's entry. Or next week's. Or whenever hopefully soon, because right now I just ain't feeling all that sunny.

no.

On second thought, that's all I've got for today. The potential for me to spit blood, hostility and ire is too great. I'm bitter, angry, depressed and disappointed at too many things and too many people. More than likely someone would get called out, so I'm going to do the respectful thing and take the high road.

And, I guess, until I'm feeling a little more like myself I'm just going to go on silent running for awhile. So it's back to my initial thought:

There are no words for how I'm feeling right now.

July 29, 2008 Morning Pages - On Writer's Block

Have no idea, really, what I want to write about this morning. Which makes is that much more important that I actually commit something to paper.

It's funny. I saw a thread on the Bendis Board last night from a guy posting something like "Aaaaugh, I have writer's block." It's a term that I refuse to even dignify, and seeing things like that posted last night on the board make me just want to roll my eyes and slap someone silly.

You see, my opinion is: there is no writer's block. I mean, how often does some one get "speaker's block" (ok, all you mute people, put your hands down)? More often than not, I think more people should just shut the fuck up and listen, but that's not really my point. My point is that this demon that writer's conjure up called "block" is really just self-indulgent bullshit. It's useless, it's silly, and it's of no benefit to anyone other than the writer who's thrown his hands up in the air to say "look at me, I can't create."

Please.

The one thing I've learned as a creator is that our time on this Big Blue Marble is pretty limited, and the best that we can do is to create as much as we can in that short amount of space. Especially men, who don't have the luxury (yeah, I'll call it that) of being able to gestate a child from their own being, there should be no damn excuse NOT to create. It really is the only way of forming any kind of proof or legacy that you were on this planet to begin with.

I don't think enough "creators" get into the discipline of creating. They take it that as artists, some invisible force just willy-nilly comes over you and that by some magic happenstance the idea pops into your head. And you just happened to be paying attention to your own brain long enough to jot the idea down on a notepad, or get to a keyboard or guitar or canvas or whatever your main instrument of creation might be. That inspiration is random, and we as the artist are just lucky enough to record the ideas that we get when they come to us.

Rubbish.

Creating is a discipline, just like any other discipline out there. Good art is the result of focus, determination, thought, insight and discipline. Too many artists rely on the willy-nilly and not enough on committing focus and thought to their craft--perhaps even scheduling specific time in the day to simply focus on the task at hand: creating art.

Look at it from the 9-5 standpoint. Most of us get up in the morning, tidy up, have some kind of sustenance to get ourselves going, and head off to a place of employment to work the next 7-9 hours for their company. It's there, it's steady, it's routine. And every day, one acquires the experience and skill to continue to hone their craft in finance, design, plumbing, prostitution. What have you. The point is, it's a skill; you've built the discipline to pursue it to make ends meet; it is a constant and necessity to your livelihood.

Sure, there are days when you may not FEEL like going to work. Where you may even be sick and have to skip a day or have emergencies which prevent you from attending said work for an amount of time. But it's there, and it's just like art. You're not going to arrive at work one day, sit at your desk and say "my God, for some reason I can't collate these papers today. There some inexplicable force blocking me. I have collate block!"

Save me.

This is precisely why I've committed myself to sitting down, first thing in the morning. Even if I don't feel like it, even if I don't have anything to say, because that's discipline. I'm not a great writer, but I get better every day I hit that page with absolutely no idea what's going to show up on it. I didn't even know what the hell was going to come from this very entry, but I'm moderately happy with the result. Yes, the morning pages tend to be stream-of-consciousness, and were I truly writing a column or an article, I would be editing the hell out of this. But here we have the fruits of the discipline and focus that more artists and writers need to have.

It may sound like arrogance, but I am a conduit through which all things bright and dark flow. I have the power to reach in to the endless pool of creativity and communication and bring to the Earth my own song or story. And although it started young and random, I have developed it over the years and can channel it with just a little bit of forethought and focus.

And so can you, you whiny, blocked writer. Now get out of your own way and create something, will ya?

July 28, 2008 Morning Pages

Ok, back to it.

Wow, already back to Monday again. And it's even almost the end of the month. I swear to God this year has flown by like wildfire.

Puts me in a very sticky predicament. I'm actually really struggling to make ends meet right now. Still trying to recover from the purchase of the new computer, which I realize at this point might have been ill-advised. However, it's one of those "spend money to make money" things, and I just haven't recouped yet. In the meantime, I have to figure out my car payment, cable bill and an unexpected traffic ticket (my first in about 15 years but for a whopping $150). This week isn't going to be much fun, and I've already budgeted for it by buying my week's worth of lunches (read: personal microwaveable servings of soup) and breakfasts (read: oatmeal bars). I could swear I should be getting a check from BMI at some point soon, which would really fucking help right now. Also, once the new computer is functional I can auction off the old one and hopefully get right. It just needs to happen now.

Big promo push for Q7 begins this week. That's another thing I have to figure out how to pay for, although since I'm doing a small run it shouldn't be too awful. But even with the modest push I did last week, I got next to no nibbles, so I'll have to step it up. Plan: send out review PDFs, press release, a few well placed banner ads, reminding the general public that the book exists and begging my friends and family to support. Gotta love small press.

Once those two obstacles are done I should be in good shape to truly begin pre-production on the record, which I have stated will be done before/by the end of the year. That'll be a neat trick. The longer it takes me to get started the less "live sounding" the finished piece will be. But I do truly plan to track some of the songs with a band. Have been reviewing the new songs over in my head, and I vacillate between loving and hating them. I guess I'll have to see what I think of them once I get them in Logic. I remember hating "Twenty Days" and now it's one of my favorite tracks off the first record.

Oh, and somehow in addition to all of this I have to figure out what's going to happen once my car lease is up in October. That, actually, shouldn't be an afterthought and is a poor reminder of just where my priorities are. Better start doing my homework on that.

That's just a smidge of what's coming up this week. Now I have to figure out just how I'm going to make it all work.

I was going to talk briefly about what I'm watching and enjoying on TV, but I think I'll table it for another time. I've gotten my 500ish words out for the day, so I'm now off to the races!

July 27, 2008 Morning Pages

Hello. Yeah, it's been while. Not much. How 'bout you?

So, I've been pretty much under the radar, taking a few days off from journaling because I really didn't have too much good to say or how to say it. I wish I could say I've been busy. I wish I could say I was down in San Diego with my colleagues--that I'm kicking ass, taking names and making deals with highly influential people.

I wish I could say that, but I can't. But, if I were just the faintest bit honest with myself, I'm actually kind of relieved. Oh, sure, I'm bummed, and pissed, and depressed, and all those other emotions that you'd get if you'd missed BOTH of the big comic cons that you usually attend any given year. I'm sad I didn't get to hang out with my friends, that I was even invited to the CAG panel, and that I didn't get to drink up with colleagues, folks I admire, or even Bendis boarders.

I'm sad about all of that. But I am happy that I didn't have to deal with the lines, the crowds, the traffic, the over-priced concessions and the probable hangovers. I did actually get a lot of work done and have a better sense of what I CAN pitch to industry right now. And it's not like I can't do that outside of Comic Con. I'm in LA, pitching here is like going to the beach. Plus, I don't know how many indie deals really go down at Comic Con. All I've heard this weekend is about the Big Two (three, if you count the news at Image) and news about some of my favorite television series. It's just a truism, now, that Comic Con is less about comics and more about new media, movies, and television. The execs and the studios have taken over the show, and until folks stop caring about comic book movies (which, for my sake, I hope is never), that's just the way of things.

So I'll sit and wait until the dust has settled, extract what relevant news came out from the show this year and move on. I am glad to know some of my friends won awards this year, particularly Atom! and Portlyn from Brave New World. As disappointed as I am that The Comic Bug did not win (2nd year in a row, in fact, after rebuilding they shop after a fire, I might add), at least the award went to my other favorite LA shop. Also hearing that folks like Pia Guerra and Chuck BB were recognized made me feel good.

From what I've seen from board threads, blogs, photo galleries, and Twitter--which might as well have been called Con Twitter this weekend--it looked like a good show. I'm bummed I missed Terry Moore. I'm bummed I missed A. David Lewis. I'm sure there were a bunch of creators down there I didn't even know were down there. I'm pissed I didn't get to plant the seeds for the Comic Pro Music Jam I've been trying to get off the ground for a year now.

I'm pissed about all that. But I did get issue 7 in the can. I published my books as eBooks. And I did update the Dreamchilde catalog. And, once the dust settles, I'll put out a press release about all of it.

And I've got my own little hollywood deal in the works, and I did it without having to patrol the locker room that is Comic Con. So I'm building on that.

The new hard drive for the G5 should be here on Tuesday, which will usher in a brand new era here at the Clark residence. I'm already getting nibbles from people who want to make music with me. I'm ready to do some rehearsals so I can do some straight cover gigs in the area. And I know Angela is working on things for me as well.

As slighted as I might feel by the economy of things, it really isn't all that bad. And I handled things much better this time than when I missed New York Comic Con. I don't even think Christy and I fought once this weekend.

So, it's probably time to come out from under the rock I've been hiding. Lots to do. Sorry I've been off the grid for a bit. I just needed a few days to sort it all out.

July 23, 2008 Morning Pages

This is one of those days where I just don't want to get out of bed.

Still remarkably depressed and pissed off at everything. To add insult to injury, the G5 arrived with a broken hard drive. Am in contact with the eBay seller to resolve the matter. I'll keep you posted. But, so far, the unit is DOA.

This is the first time I've had unsatisfactory results from upgrading via eBay, and I'm confident everything will turn out alright in the end. It's just a drag, that's all.

Won't even speak to the rest of my depression, because what good, really, will it do to dwell on it? So I'll turn to something hopefully more positive.

DREAMCHILDE PRESS CATALOG NOW AVAILABLE AS ELECTRONIC COMICS

That's right, true believers (yes, talking like Stan Lee actually does cheer me up), now you can download each issue of QUANTUM: Rock of Ages as an electronic file. Follow this series from the beginning with these out-of-print eComics. And the best part: each issues is only ONE DOLLAR!

Visit the Dreamchilde Store for more info!

July 22, 2008 Morning Pages

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and then you have the facts of life.

Which, right now, for me, truly blows.

Not a lot to this entry today, because I'd rather keep things positive. And since I'm not feeling very positive today, I'm just going to shut the hell up.

In other news: It's official. I won't be attending Comicon this year. More later.

HELP PHILIP GET TO SAN DIEGO - DAY 1

Monday again. At least this week I'm actually beginning the week fresh as opposed to having a week-long dream prior to waking to the day.

Weekend went by pretty effectively, in that I was able to accomplish nearly everything I needed to including a mid-summer cleaning of the house. Ok, I'll admit: my studio still needs to be cleaned. I would love to introduce my new G5 tower to a non-cluttered environment. I'll see if I can tidy things up tonight.

Have put QUANTUM 7 officially in the can and even pressed a couple of mock-ups with the timely aid of my friend Scott. Have been getting to know him a lot better over the past few weeks and have been enjoying that. He showed me the ad-house/design studio he and his brother built from a workstation in their basement to a fantastic open-air creative commune in the heart of El Segundo. It was definitely impressive. It's also nice to talk to someone who's intelligent and knows what the hell their job's about. So few do. Had to cut my visit with him short due to the wife and her desire to, god forbid, eat dinner, but it looks like I'll have 10 mockups of the book to take to ComiCon...

...if I can go.

Yes, that's right. Now my attendance at the show, albeit brief this year, may be in question. Bills and other expenses have put my in a bit of a financial pinch this week. So much so that it may not be justified for me to spend the money on gas, hotel, etc. for San Diego ComiCon. I'm trying to work my way around the situation and so I'm reaching out to whatever friends and fans I have to help. So, without further adieu...

HELP PHILIP GO TO SAN DIEGO COMICON - DAY 1

Right now, the first best way to raise the funds to make it to the show is to encourage everyone to BUY MY BOOK! Issue 7 of QUANTUM: Rock of Ages is now official available for pre-order. After a two-year hiatus, we've finally gotten back to continuing this tale, and this issue is not to be missed. Make sure you get your copy by ordering now!

And if you can't wait the 4-6 weeks it will take to ship the actual book, you can read it right now AND save $2 by purchasing the eBook. This is a new thing I'm trying with QUANTUM, and I hope folks will try this out--the new way to read comic books. For just one buck, it's a great value!

Of course, reading issue 7 will do you no good unless you've been caught up with the entire series. That's why I'm also offering the QUANTUM: Rock of Ages - Beginnings graphic novel. See how it all began with this collected edition of the first six issues. It's a perfect way to get caught up on all things QUANTUM.

It would really mean a lot to me if you would help me make the trip to San Diego by buying my stuff. The series is a lot of fun. If you love comics, or if you've ever been curious about reading comics, I really think you'll enjoy QUANTUM. It's got sex, drugs, Rock & Roll and time travel; what's not to enjoy?

PLEASE CLICK HERE TO HELP ME GO TO SAN DIEGO!

July 20, 2008 Noon Pages

Ok, lots to talk about, but I am in a rush, so I'll probably only touch on the superficial now and save the big announcements for tomorrow.

So I saw The Dark Night yesterday. Was smart about it and went to an early Saturday showing. No lines, no worries of getting a ticket, and when I was done watching the nearly 3-hour spectacle, I still had the rest of the day to enjoy.

SPOILERS START HERE. SKIP THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET!

This latest installment of the Batman saga is not perfect, but pretty close in scope and tone. I have to say how surprised I was that this movie was less about Batman himself and more about adding to his Rogue's Gallery. We get to one again see Cilian Murphy reprise his role as Scarecrow, which I was pleasantly surprised to see, albeit briefly. I was also happy to see more time spent to developing Jim Gordon, who in this movie becomes commissioner of police. We get to see more of his family, including young Barbara--who's face we never see for some reason.

For all the hype about Heath Ledger's Joker--and don't get me wrong, it is exquisite--I was more impress by Aaron Eckhart's performance as Harvey Dent and eventually Two Face. The two villains themselves are pretty much nailed. Although I did enjoy the dark psychosis of the Joker, I would have liked to see a little more of the light, madcap craziness that folks like Nicholson and Hammil lent to the role. But Ledger's performance is compelling and a great bit of acting. Two-face is also appropriately dark and sinister. And the make-up and effect of Dent's other half is brilliant. As gross and disturbing as it needs to be.

This movie was long; essential two movies rolled into one. You get a heaping helping of Joker and Two-face. The comparison to Godfather II is quite accurate, as this is a grand telling of superheroics vs. organized crime. In little time, the Joker takes over crime in Gotham by ruthlessly killing every relevant crime lord. There was a neat little spin the Joker used every time he intimidated his victim: how he got his scars. He tells the story enough times to give us the impression that each tale is actually bullshit. The man remains a true enigma, to the Batman, to the police, especially to us.

Rachel Dawson was used pretty well as well, despite the change in casting. She eventually distances herself away from Bruce Wayne and pledges herself to Harvey Dent just in time to be blown up by the Joker. This act is the final piece of the puzzle that--in addition to the horrible accident that transforms Dent--pushes him over the edge to become the villain Two Face. Even though it appears that Dent is killed at the end, I hope they find some way to bring him back. He was a great addition to the mythos.

What Bale did bring to the movie was, of course, great, and come necessary changes were made to the Batman costume. "You want to be able to turn your head," says Lucius Fox. Yes, Lucius, he's needed to do that for quite some time now. Morgan Freeman is once again a splendid addition to this movie, who along with Michael Caine gives Bruce Wayne a moral compass. I think we even see the beginnings of the Oracle system in this flick.

There are few disappointments and plenty of surprises in this flick. I advise that you set yourself down for a serious ride. This Dark Knight definitely delivers.

END SPOILERS

Lots to do today. Doing a big cleaning of the house because mom-in-law is coming to town tomorrow. Plus, it's that time of year again: time to steam-clean the rugs! Joy! Not!

Note to self. From this day forward, I will never move to a place without hardwood floors.

For those of you that can't wait for the big announcement tomorrow, go to my online store for QUANTUM. You'll find a pleasant surprise there.

Standby

Morning pages tonight, possibly tomorrow. Very busy day, but I have big announcement on the hoizon!

July 18, 2008 Morning Pages

Totally missed morning pages yesterday. I suck.

The good news is that, with the exception of one glaring typo, QUANTUM 7 is pretty much done. Got some good responses to the ad hunt and was able to give life to Times Square that was definitely needed. Here's a teaser of the end result:



Thanks go to Tony Fleecs, Kody Chamberlain, Jeff UK and Susan Sores.

So, pretty excited that it's finally Friday. I get paid and can finally pay for the computer I won on eBay last week. Can't wait to get this puppy into the studio, as I have plenty of music to make before the end of the year.

Had a meeting with Angela last night, who has pretty much taken the initiative to be come my agent/publicist/co-manager. She's a really classy lady who is interested enough in me any my career to beat the street and find venues for me to perform in or get airplay. We had a good conversation last night about the direction I want to go in, who I think my target audience is and what our live performance strategy should be. The next year should be very interesting if we can both knock out some of the goals we laid out.

Although I wasn't one of the millions that took in a midnight screening of The Dark Knight last night, I was able to catch a pretty nifty special on the History Channel called "Batman Unmasked." It was a compelling study of the psychology of Bruce Wayne and his rogues gallery and featured such comic luminaries as Denny O' Neil, Paul Levitz, Dan DiDio, Danny Fingeroth and Len Wein. It made me look that much more forward to the movie, which I will more than likely be catching in the next 24-48 hours.

Also remarkable was the Watchmen trailer. This will more than likely be the next must-see comic book movie. And hopefully they'll be faithful enough to the original graphic novel that it won't totally suck. Judging by the footage so far, they're on the right track.

Ok, off to shower so I can get to my temp agency early and pick up my check. Sayanara.

Standby

Morning pages will probably come tonight.

July 16, 2008 Morning Pages

In contrast to last week flying by, this week seems to be moving at a crawl.

Ain't that just a bitch, the way it works. You spend a certain number of days with nothing to really look forward to, and those days seem to go by quicker than the ones when you have something really important you're looking forward to. Then it seems like the clock runs slower.

I remarked last week about this same kind of phenomenon, except gave it more of a broad generalization; how time seemed to go faster the older you got. I find it amazing that our perception of time changes so much. Would that we could be mechanical and every minute or hour would pass with the same frequency as the next. But we as humans have this more fluid perception of time, and sometimes the minutes, hours, months and years speed up and slow down like the tides. It's really very fascinating.

I'm now 99.9% done with QUANTUM 7, but I hit a bit of a bump. The last page of the story has a character emerging in Times Square, and my artist left several billboards and signs on the buildings blank. Presumably for me to fill with ads and such. Problems is I have absolutely no time to design "fake" ads (can't use real products without permission of the owners of those products, so no Budweiser, Coca-Cola, Cup O' Noodles), and I'm trying to put this in the can yesterday.

So I've gone to the net to try to get ads. So far I've filled one spot. I've got about 3 or 4 more left to fill. Cross your fingers.

Have gotten some great eyes on this book for proofreading this time around. My friend Scott and a co-worker Elizabeth have been particularly helpful. James has signed off on it, and I have to admit, what I worried would be a sucky effort has actually turned into a pretty good comic. I just hope my audience is still out there, eager to read it.

Yesterday at work was absolutely nuts. Everyone was throwing projects at me that needed to be turned around right way. My day was filled with little 15 minute assignments that just kept coming one after the other until about 6PM. As harried as I was, I do have to admit I love the rush of that kind of environment, and it's those times when I finally feel I'm really being challenged. That the real tipper to my workaholic tendencies, I really don't enjoy working unless I have an overabundance of it. Otherwise I'm bored.

God, it's only Wednesday. I need Friday to get here so I can finally pay off this new computer. I'm probably dropping the ball on all things San Diego right now. But that show usually goes better for me when I don't have a lot of plans anyway. I'll create some one-sheets this weekend for titles I'd like to pitch to other publishers and hope for the best. With the current climate of publishing right now coupled with the fact that everybody and their grandmother want to write comics right now, I'm just thankful I'm in the field at all. Only doing one day at SDCC this year, and I should really just concentrate hanging out with old colleagues and enjoying myself.

July 15, 2008 Morning Pages

Well, except for getting a couple objective eyes to proof it, QUANTUM 7 is pretty much ready to send to the printers.

It's a damn shame I don't have the money to print it right now.

That's right, bonehead me, two weeks before ComicCon, spent all his money upgrading to this new G5 and now has no money to print this book that's been on hold for over two years.

The end totally justifies the means, and who knows, I may be able to scrounge up the cash to print at least 50 copies or so just to take down to San Diego. I think a lot of it will depend on if I get any samples from the two printers I'm waiting for. Sidekick looks extremely attractive, I just need to verify their product is adequate. At the absolute worse, I can print up a mock-up here at home. Thank god I bought that large format Canon so I can do 11x17.

Anyway, this entry's going to be short. I was up late last night putting the final touches on the issue, and I drank a little too much wine. Need to jump in the shower and become human again.

July 14, 2008 Morning Pages

Monday again. Does it have to be Monday?

I think I had a dream last night that lasted a whole work week, so I woke up believing it was Saturday again. Alas, it was Monday, and now I feel like I'm working two weeks without a break. Hopefully I can shake that feeling by the afternoon.

Really weird dream involving former schoolmates and even the purple one himself, Prince. He was mentoring me and I was severely disappointing him. Fucking figures.

Awoke to dog drama today. There's been something really weird going on lately with the two dogs. Used to be, even when we had Bailey, that I could fill the dog bowls, set them down and the dogs would just proceed to eating. Now there's this whole ritual going on where Lucy won't eat around Bella, and of course Bella has to eat first. And for some reason, bowls are out of fashion now, because both dogs insist on eating their food off the floor. Bella will simply tip her bowl, spilling her food all over the floor, and then eat it. But Lucy won't even hang around the kitchen any more until Bella is completely done with her meal and out of the kitchen. And now I have to sit and supervise Lucy while she eats. So what used to be another 10 minutes of me snoozing has now turned into me, dead in a chair waiting for a dog to eat.

Oh, and also, Bella's epileptic. So in addition to all that going on this morning I had to help her through a seizure. The good news is that it was mild, meaning she didn't lose any of her bodily functions before or during. It just scares the holy bejeezus out of me that someday one seizure is going to be the last. Pretty frightening stuff.

Sent a proof of QUANTUM 7 to James last night to get one last set of eyes on. Hopefully I can settle on a printer this week, but it doesn't look hopeful for San Diego. Which is no huge deal, considering that I don't even have a table there. It would have just been nice to have to show my colleagues I'm actively creating again.

This week is going to be a tough one. Got paid late and not as much as usual this week, and I still have to pay for the G5 I won on eBay. Looks like it'll be soup for lunch for the rest of the week.

That's all I've got right now. We'll set some goals later or tomorrow.

July 13, 2008 Morning Pages

Damn, I totally missed a day again. Bad me.

I guess I can make the excuse that I've actually been working pretty hard at putting QUANTUM 7 in the can. I've also been, god forbid, enjoying my weekend.

My hate for California is steadily fading. While I kicked and screamed and nearly terminated my relationship to avoid moving out here, it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to absolutely loathe it. For one thing, it's 72 degrees this very moment. And it doesn't look like it'll get any hotter than about 78 for the rest of the day. And when it does, I will more than likely be heading to the beach to cool myself in the waters of the Pacific. It's what I did yesterday later in the day to take a break from prepress. I think--after years of self-loathing and hardship and proving to myself I live in the capital of the world--that I may have actually found the most awesome place to live ever. I'm having a really hard time hating Manhattan Beach. Sure, it's pricey. But we don't really pay that much more for our 3 bedroom house that we did for our 2 1/2 (and, really, that half we turned into a closet) br in Astoria.

Don't get me wrong. I miss the hell out of Astoria and the rest of NYC. I miss my friends. I miss being able to get a kick-ass Greek Salad at Zorba's for dirt cheap. I miss Thai Café and John's Pizzeria and Calcutta on 6th Street and the Serious Sauce at San Loco. I miss waking up to the Manhattan skyline and occasional evenings at the Bohemian Beer Garden. I do not, however, miss the smell of bum piss every day, cramming myself in a box with 100 other people just to get to work, the sweltering, humid summers and the frigid, blizzard-y winters. I don't miss the noise or the taxis driving like lunatics. And I'll always be a New Yorker in my heart of hearts.

But being able to jog to the ocean whenever I want; that's pretty mad cool. As is the scenery on said beach. And although I'll probably jinx it my writing this down, I haven't dealt with a single earthquake out here. I am making new friends, and for some reason people seem to be more open to my musical ventures out here.

I should probably explain where my hate for California began. It began about 14 years ago in San Luis Obispo. The then-love-of-my-life had moved out there, and I, on some foolish whim had decided to follow. I packed up my entire life in a U-Haul and uprooted to SLO-town, where I discovered--the DAY I arrived--that my love-of-my-life had just procured a new boyfriend.

I had fooled myself into believing that I hadn't moved out for her--that what I'd really done was for the hope of bettering my musical career and striking out new ground in the central California coast. The only problem was: absolutely nothing was happening on the central California coast! They called it SLO-town for a reason. It's where everyone goes to friggin' retire. There was a marginal music scene there, but no one was playing the kind of music I enjoyed. I hooked up with a Raggae band, The Shival Experience, and that was all well and good. But Shival wasn't busy enough to keep the rent paid. I had moved into a condo with someone I'd believed to be cool but who later turned out to be a Jesus freak. I tried getting freelance production clients, but no one in the area could afford or wanted my services. I hated my roommate, I hated my musical situation, and I HATED the fact that my girl was rubbing her new boyfriend in my face.

I hated California. I was stuck, broke, and ready to go back to Denver. Fortunately the opportunity came up that I got a job in a recording studio there. So I moved back, but not before I sold half of my arsenal of keyboards (including the Juno-106 that my parents had bought me for my 16th birthday) and most of my comic book collection of twenty years. And although I got back to Denver, that wasn't without its misery. I moved in with two even worse roommates than the Jesus freak in SLO, and the REST of my comic book collection (X-men comics from 1975 on) was destroyed in a basement flood. Due to the fact that I fell behind on my car payments, my truck was repossessed. And I was angry, very angry, that I gave up Dawn without a fight.

I spent the rest of my twenties and probably half of my thirties being angry. And even though the miracle of New York City came to my life (and I should probably still thank Ted Goodwin for that), it fueled the anger. Anger that I then brought back to California when Christy brought me here to start our new life as a couple.

Well I've been here for a while now. And the longer I stay here and bask in the beautiful weather and people--the more I wash away my stress in the Pacific Ocean--the less angry I get. Sure, I still regret things. Sure, I'm still struggling to dominate the world in some fashion and make the big bucks so I can secure the future for the family I wish to start. But it's really hard to be mad here. And I think I'm getting too old for it. Circumstances recently have shown me that anger only ruins things anyway. So I have a lot less time for it than I used to.

Sometimes I think I should have moved to LA sooner than I did, but then I wouldn't have the experiences that I gathered in all those other places. For better or for worse, they have molded me into the person I am now. I needed SLO to cure me of my white-boy syndrome, just like I needed Denver to get studio experience and NYC to get all of the great gifts I'd gotten there. Perhaps LA earlier would have ruined me further, and now I'm just that much more prepared for what it has to offer. And I'm still young. I'm feeling younger the longer I stay here.

July 11, 2008 Morning Pages

Never been so glad it's Friday for awhile.

So I totally missed a day of morning pages. Looks like I've got about 20 minutes to write like the wind and try to make up for today and the day I missed.

What the hell to talk about? Oh! Good news on the computer front: I won an eBay auction for a G5 yesterday. Have been shopping for the better part of 3 months at this point and finally had the cash (from my last lettering gig) to pay for most of it. The increased speed and HD capacity should make it a lot easier for me to run the full version of Logic Studio now and get my home studio fully functional for production clients. This is a pretty huge step to me getting back on the right path with my career.

On a side note, but somewhat related, as it will tie back in to the whole home studio/production thing in a bit: I've learned I will be at my temp job for even longer now. So, let's see. That's a temporary assignment I'll have been on for over a year? They really just need to friggin' hire me. But there's apparently a whole rigmarole the company would have to go through to do that, including purchasing my contract from the temp agency and what-not. In the end, I'm pretty much the one getting the short end of the stick. Even though I get the security of knowing I'll be employed probably until the end of the year, I won't get paid sick days or vacation. Also, the temp agency pretty much makes the same rate I do. So technically, I could be making DOUBLE my rate right now if the client simply hired me. Can't they see in the long run it would be cheaper to just buy out my contract rather than continue to pay the agency for the foreseeable future? It's all a bit frustrating.

Which is why I really want to get back to being a sole proprietor. Yes, I'll really have to manage what I withhold for social security and taxes, but I could be pulling down some serious bread AND be working from home. It could put Christy in a place where we could start saving for a house or, god forbid, money for starting a family. Another thing I have been considering is to begin teaching music lessons. I'm more than qualified, and I'm sure there's a need for good voice and sax instructors in the South Bay. I really should look into it. I could probably make some serious bank.

But back to the G5, once I get that in-house and transfer the contents of my old Qucksilver G4 onto it, I can probably recoup a bit of change for the G4. So I may only have shelled out about $500 for the G5. That's a pretty good deal. I won't buy any new computers anymore since I started getting them on eBay. There are plenty of reputable resellers that get great used units in shape that have probably only seen the light of day at a design studio for a couple of years. Once the lease is up, it goes back to the reseller and they throw it up on eBay for about half the price. I've bought about 4 computers this way, gradually upgrading from my old beige G3 to this dual G5. Some day, I'll step up to the Intel processor, but I'm still running some things in Classic and am not ready to give it up yet. Plus, the thing about Apple technology is you NEVER buy first year technology. That's why I'll be waiting to pick up an iPhone for awhile.

In completely unrelated news: Katy Perry completely killed on "So You Think You Can Dance" last night. If my wife is going to subject me to a program like this, it's nice to see someone perform with a shred of talent. Any thoughts I had of her being a flash-in-a-pan we pretty much dispelled last night. Not only is she completely gorgeous, she can put on a decent show and has awesome pipes. Her style is kind of a throwback, and I was reminded of powerhouse 80's vocalists like Terri Nunn and Martha Davis. Hopefully Perry has more than this one-hit to keep her aloft. The girl can truly sing.

Well, that wasn't a bad spot of rambling. Not much to report on the QUANTUM front, as I'm just fine-tuning it at this point and trying to fill the back of the book. Hopefully it'll be in the can by Sunday night. Expect an announcement. Now all I have to do is settle on a printer.

Standby

Snoozed too late for morning pages. Will post something tonight after work.

July 9, 2008 Morning Pages

Wednesday already. The week is flying by. Whole damn years is flying by. And I think it's God's cruel joke that the older you get, the faster time flies. Or at least one's perception of it. It seemed like I had all the time in the world when I was younger, and now it feels like I'm sprinting to the finish just to get things done on time.

QUANTUM 7 is somewhere between 90-95% complete at this point. I'm gradually changing the look of the book, cleaning up certain design elements and also modernizing it somewhat. The lettering on this issue will be a vast improvement simply due to the fact that I've lettered so many other professional projects since issue 6 came out over two years ago and have developed more of a style. And it may actually be my last issue lettering it; I'll have to see how I feel when 8 comes up.

Issue 8 is planned to be a big issue. Literally bigger in size and scope, this is the one where the big twist is revealed and things start taking the turn towards the big battle royale at the end. And I've been planning for a 48-pager for this one. So even if I get it scripted by the end of the month, the art probably won't realistically be done until the end of the year. Such is the way of self-publishing, you can only go as fast as your day job will allow. But completing issue 8 will bring us to the end of the second act, and it really will be a sprint to the finish from there.

I've always planned on holding off on pitching QUANTUM as an IP for TV and movies until the series is actually finished. That way, no one can screw with my initial vision on the project. The stuff I pitched a couple weeks ago I am less attached to and more open to notes from the studio, but QUANTUM has always been my baby. And there's no way I'm settling for a half-assed interpretation of it if it ever goes to another media. With the current climate of Hollywood developing graphic novels left and right, hopefully I'll get my shot. I just hope the market doesn't get over-saturated and people start getting sick of all these comic book movies. Even this year it's gotten a little excessive for my taste.

Have been shopping for a printer for this issue. Looks like most people are using Ka-Blam these days and that ComixPress has left a bad taste in a lot of people's mouths. I've never had any problems with them except for some early communication issues. Also popping up on my radar are ComicBookPrinting.com and Sidekick. If Sidekick's quality is as good as their prices, I may actually go with them. We'll have to see what their samples look like.

Anyway, that the shape of things today.

July 8, 2008 Morning Pages

Slept the sleep of the just last night and woke up feeling actually quite refreshed. It feels good to have a manageable amount on my plate now. I should have done this years ago.

I've always been a believer in the motto "if you throw enough shit on the wall, eventually something will stick." This extols the virtue of diversifying in your career, to wear as many hats as you can and to always be taking your shot at success when you can. It's not a bad motto, and because of it I've worn many hats in my career: musician, songwriter, audio engineer, producer, editor, writer, creator, graphic designer, letterer. I'm sure I'm even forgetting some.

The problem with this particular motto is that it also gets you into trouble because you start taking on so much that your plate of projects gets overfilled. And that can lead to a whole hot mess. I can attest to this personally, as I've recently had to come to grips with the fact that I'd been doing simply too much for one man to have any kind of success, much less focus. As much as I can multitask and juggle several different things at one time, it has taken away from any direct assault of what I actually really wish to do with my life. Just for the need to keep throwing shit at the wall, I've hit walls I've never thought I'd have the opportunity to hit. But I've distracted myself from really concentrating on the walls I NEED to hit.

There's just shit everywhere. And that gets messy.

Don't get me wrong; it's given me a great portfolio and resume of completed work. And I've also earned a reputation as a doer, someone who definitely gets things done and comes up with tangible results. But it's also taken a lot of my time away from things that are important to me. And it almost destroyed my marriage in the process.

There's nothing wrong with diversification. There's nothing wrong with ambition and doing everything you can to succeed. But that kind of drive has to be couple with focus and a set of definite goals. And as much as I've always been one to set those goals, I don't know if I've been very specific in what I wanted the end result to be.

Until recently. My wife has had the patience and the eloquence to finally beat into my head that what's really important is to focus on what will make me right and happy. I put QUANTUM on the back-burner so I could move ahead in the comic book industry, but I did it by leaving behind the project that would truly solidify who I am and what I have to say as a creator. I put my music on the back-burner to try to get out in the industry as a side-man, which again pulled the focus from my personal music and goals to succeed as a single musical force. In the effort to simply try to make shit stick, I stopped focusing on my best shit.

And now that my sanity and workload has become manageable, the revelation is so clear that it's almost painful I lost all that time. I can't regret it because I have all that other shit on the wall. But now, seeing how QUANTUM is finally coming back together, having the band together now and getting ready to track the new record, I really feel my focus has returned. And sure, I'm going to have the occasional freelance thing come up, whether it's this pitch at Disney or the occasional writing or musical assignment. But I've been sitting on all the great things inside of me, and that's suicide by tiny little increments. Creators create. And now that I'm doing that again, I can look forward to each new day hopefully a little more refreshed than the next.

July 7, 2008 Morning Pages

Man, I wish I could have just one more day of holiday.

That's the price I pay for staying up so late to get shit done. But I did do exactly that. Not only is QUANTUM 7 in WAY better shape then it's been in two years, but I also got my press kit updated. If all plays out correctly, I could actually have ish 7 in the can before the end of the week. That would free my plate up to do some last minute San Diego ComicCon prep. I'd like to get some one-sheets knocked out just in case I wanted to approach any publishers. Plus I need to get the treatment done for Disney on the two ideas I pitched a couple weeks ago.

Am very close to being able to purchase my G5. Once that's done I can start producing the next record and also independent clients here at the home studio. After 7 years of making due with the graphic design gig, it will sure be nice to start supporting myself again on my music fully.

Something else I should be considering is teaching voice and saxophone. It seems like there are so many music schools in the South Bay, someone must need a wind instructor. I could more than likely be doubling my income by just doing that. One of the guests at Doug's party the other day planted that little bug in my head. I should definitely look into it.

Had a couple friends proofread the interiors for issue 7 last night. Thank god for Twitter. As fast as the 'net is getting, a good tweet speeds it up even more. Gotta remember to give Scott and Lisa props in the book before it goes to print.

Making this one quick, gotta get ready for work and still hit the gas station before I do the commute.

July 6, 2008 Noon Pages

Last day of the holiday. I plan on doing nathan today.

Well, not entirely true, but I definitely plan on relaxing. We had a great day yesterday at Doug and Jenn's pool party. They live right off the marina in Marina Del Rey, and even though the place was about as secure as Ft. Knox it was a lot of fun once we actually got in. We had brought a big bottle of Bella Serra and a couple of pounds of marinated chicken breast. Rather than get the meat at the killer meat market in downtown Manhattan Beach (that I've forgotten the name of), I tried this mexican meat market a little closer to my house. It was cheaper and looked really good. The guy behind the counter told me the marinade was a mix of beer, pineapple juice, seasonings and cilantro. They also had marinated beef and pork ribs which I'll definitely be checking out in the future. The chicken was a hit, and I was able to lend Doug a hand at the grill. I love grilling. It's about as addictive as crack but a lot more healthy.

Doug and Jenn had a good group of people over, friends from some Kaballah group they attend. A fair batch of creative and spiritual folks. Got to hear tales of past-life experiences, pagan symbols, dragons and mermaids. Probably my second totally-California experience; hanging out in the hot-tub musing over the metaphysical.

It's nice to hang out with other couples. We met another really nice married couple: Mariah and Kevin. It's nice to take Christy out to these kind of things because she doesn't have a lot of friends here. The more I hang out with Doug the more I like him. He's really quality people, and I hope to have a long lasting friendship with him. The party piqued at the fantastic pie/tart that Jenn had for her birthday. Surprisingly light with sort of a white cake filling to it and the topped with fruits (strawberries, kiwi, tangerines, apples, melons). Christy isn't a fan of pie, but this one she liked. I'll have to check out Gelson's, where they got it.

After a full day of pool party, we headed back to Redondo. My musical colleague, Jeremiah, has had my microphone, cable and stand since last Friday, and I arranged to pick it up at the Hermosa Saloon where they were playing last night. Jeremiah's trio sounds absolutely fantastic. They were rocking “Little Wing” when I arrived. Son, the bass player, had the most phenomenal tone; one that you don't so much hear as FEEL. It hits you right in the middle of your chest and lingers there like a shot of fine scotch. And he's so technically proficient, I probably could have stuck around just to listen to him play all night. But, I was there to simply pick up my gear and get back to the wife for some more relaxation.

Spent the rest of the night watching the tube and finishing my first pass at lettering QUANTUM 7. I'm now through all 28 pages, and I have to admit the book looks a lot better than I'd anticipated. I've been scared all this time that I blew it on the writing of this particular issue; that I failed at the devices I used like the flashback and the amount of time that passes from page 1 to the end. But upon further inspection I realized that once it was on the page a few captions were all that were needed to smooth out the transitions. I was worried that the grayscaling Champ did to the book was a little dark, but once I put the captions and balloons over it things brightened right up. As worried as I've been that this book would suck, it won't Crisis averted. Thank Christ.

I marked a draft up last night and will get to making edits hopefully today, possibly tomorrow. One other goal I had before the vacation was over was to update my press kit, so I might actually get on that today as well. Things are movin'.

July 5, 2008 Morning Pages

Day 2 of holiday vacation. Pretty relaxing so far.

Running errands and hanging with the wife yesterday, I ran into a fantastic deal at Best Buy. I'd gotten a gift card from Christy's grandpa for my birthday. Pretty generous, about $100. I'd gotten this CD box set I'd had my eye on a couple weeks ago called "What It Is," which is a collection of old school soul and rare grooves. But I still had about $40 on the card until yesterday. Then I found that they had discounted full seasons of HBO series DVDs. I ended up getting both seasons of Carnivale for the remaining balance on my card, saving about $70 in the process. I'm psyched, because I really loved that series, and now I have it for all time. How cool is that?

Did the 4th of July thing last night in Redondo Beach. What a completely packed mess that was. Let the house around 7:15 from North Redondo and made the mistake of taking the scenic route through downtown Manhattan and Hermosa Beach. All the kids and scantily-clad beach babes were out, as well as everyone else driving like fucking grandmas. Then, when we actually did get down to Redondo, it took us about 30 minutes just to find a parking spot (blocks away in residential). We finally arrived to the pier at about 8:30. You believe that, over an hour for a 5-mile commute. We knew the fireworks were going to begin around 9:30, so we decided to wait until after the show for dinner. The pier was gangbusters, worse than Times Square kind of gangbusters. But we found a couple empty seats at Old Tony's bar. Christy had mai tais while I drank Hefeweisen. She got two free glasses out of the deal; I guess when you get a mai tai, you get to keep the glass. The bartender was super friendly, and though I didn't see the resemblance, Christy thought he looked like my dad. Old Tony's has a great, rustic vibe, and I noticed some of their dinner specials looked really good. So I've made a mental note to try to go there for dinner soon.

Anyway, around 9:30 we made our way down the pier to get a good view of the fireworks. It was colder off the water than we anticipated, which was fine because that gave me a chance to snuggle with my honey. Fireworks began, and we started to enjoy the show. But then we both noticed the sensation of something splattering on the back or our legs. We turned around to discover a parent nearly getting their vomiting child to the garbage can on time. But not quite. The child had missed the can and had managed to get vomit on the ground right behind us. Oh, lovely side note, it was green, literally green. And then, the smell. Christy and I promptly relocated ourselves upwind of the stench and tried to enjoy the rest of the show.

About 20 minutes later, the show was over and we hit El Torito for some much-needed dinner. Even though the show was not of NYC proportions (and I found out later it was actually raining last night in New York), it was a good night.

Came home to knock out a couple more pages of QUANTUM 7's lettering and watch a little tube. Today promises to be a fun day at Doug's. I'm gonna pick up some marinated chicken for the grill. More later.

July 4, 2008 Noon Pages

That's right. I have the day off, and I slept in. I'm stickin' it to the man.

Hoping to really just enjoy the weekend, although I was on a good clip lettering QUANTUM pages last night. Story is shaping up better than I initially thought. I've had a big problem with this issue from the get-go. It's a different kind of issue, lots of flashback and told from the villain's POV. I think I've subconsciously hated this issue, and maybe that's why it's taken me so long to finish it. But now that I'm seeing it unfold, it's not that bad. Not my best, but not horrible.

There's a Twilight Zone marathon on SciFi today. I'm bouncing between that and VH-1 Soul. God, I love that station.

So no real plans this weekend. Hitting Doug's house tomorrow for his fiancé Jen's birthday. Should be fun. Doug apparently lives just off the water in Marina Del Rey. That'll take the heat off the day.

Independence Day is one of my favorite holidays. And it always times out that I'm usually breaking from something that's holding me back, claiming my own independence. I'll never forget my first 4th of July in NYC. I broke out on my own, threw myself off the proverbial cliff and set out to be an independent producer and musician. It was absolutely scary but also liberating. Sometimes I wish I could stay that young.

Ok, it's official. I'm too distracted by SciFi and VH-1 Soul to continue. Gonna wrap this one up early and get on with my holiday weekend.

July 3, 2008 Morning Pages

Feel horribly guilty for missing a day of morning pages, but I had to clean the garbage out of my blog. Certain topics are now dead to me. Now I know what it's like to be Jewish.

Now it's time to move on. I was reading a report a couple days ago about comic writer Warren Ellis' panel at Wizard World Chicago. Now, Warren has had a history of being a force to be reckoned with on the comics scene. He's brash, bullish and opinionated by reputation. And he's completely comfortable with the fact that he's a big deal in the business and that probably have of the folks out there love him and half hate him. From what I read and hear about the guy, he really couldn't care less what you think of him. And in this panel--which also later turned into a drink-up--a couple unruly fans began to get into a fight. Ellis didn't miss a beat, promptly took control of the situation and barked that the two either settle down or get the fuck out (I'm paraphrasing). And without batting an eyelash, the two fanboys tucked their tails between their legs and went back to their drinks.

Warren Ellis would rather be feared than respected, and that's pretty powerful stuff.

I'm realizing the longer I'm in this entertainment biz that I am also building a reputation. Mostly built on respect and talent, but also sometimes on my tendency to say what I mean and cut right through the bullshit. I've gotten into my fair shares of rows over this, and sadly most of it stems from the impersonal nature of emails, message boards and blogs. See, over 70% of communication is non-verbal, or rather the actual words or message of said communication. Even as I type this, you might be missing crucial things about how the message is being delivered. Am I typing relaxed and calm or am I tense and frantic? How would the tone of my voice be were I speaking this instead of typing? What's my body language right now? How is this whole thing being presented: am I dressed to the nines presenting this formally or hunched over my laptop in the living room completely naked? See, that last one set a completely different tone, didn't it, and whether I'm clothed or naked when I construct these pages I'll leave completely up to your imagination.

But I think you get my point here. Yes, I can be blunt, bitter and just a snarky as anyone else online. I mean, the net is perfect for this. Everyone on the planet now has a forum where they can be a completely different person--maybe even get out the true feelings they've been hiding inside for years--on the internet. Why else do you think we have screen names and aliases? I bet you at least half of everyone online is putting up some kind of persona or façade that is completely contrary to what they're actually like in person. Hell, Brad Paisley wrote a brilliant song about it.

The point I'm trying to make here is that with the internet also comes falseness, duality, rumors, gossip and all that other great stuff that--as great a form of communication as it is--completely goes AGAINST communicating. And I'm just as guilty of having the occasional email or message board post misinterpreted as the next guy. Hell, I live in the public eye, so I'm probably more inclined to have this happen.

Back to my reputation. Yes, it's mostly build on my talents and achievements to date. And yes, it's mostly built on respect. But there's also a wild-streak aspect--a "loose cannon" part--of my reputation that has also circulated, especially recently, on the nets. Can I say I'm passionate about things? Certainly. Can I say I'm angry sometimes about others? Oh, Hell yeah. But would it be accurate to say I've lost touch with reality, flipped my lid or lost my sanity in the matter?

Possibly, but only I will tell you exactly. Because, after all, I am spinning this marvelous tale. And until you actually sit in a room with me and find out what makes me tick and what I'm about, you have no idea or right to speak about me, gossip about me, or sully the reputation and respect that I have strived to attain over the past 20-odd years in this, the entertainment business.

Because I'm beginning to learn that sometimes it's beneficial to feared AND respected. And I'm betting, after all is said and done, that those that question me and my motives and gossip behind my back will be neither.

July 2 Morning Pages

Have to simply log a placeholder here, because my morning was spent editing most of my blog. I'll try to get something posted tonight.

July 1, 2008 Morning Pages

Got up early enough to properly sit down and get a good morning page rolling. I hope.

Finally saw Wanted last night. For those of you that don't know, this movie is an example of something all of us comic book writers want to happen. You write something, retain the rights to it, have it picked up by Hollywood and wham, bam, in a few years you've got yourself a weekend blockbuster.

SPOILERS WITHIN

I'd never read the Millar/Jones graphic novel, but I found the movie nonetheless entertaining. Violent and bloody as hell, yes, but still entertaining. I do have to concede that, yes, visually you really haven't seen a lot of things that this movie has to offer. And on that and the solid storytelling, I was very impressed by Wanted. I think the only thing that really bugged me--and I can't believe I'm saying this--was the sheer amount of violence and gunplay in the entire movie. Yes, of course it was necessary to the plot. I mean, you're dealing with assassins and all of that. But at the end of the day, I really feel you might be desensitizing folks to the whole handgun thing. Meh, maybe I'm just being a prude. But this movie really did make it cool to carry, hell, fire a gun. I wonder how many people may actually attempt to curve a bullet now? Plus I'm not sure how necessary it was to show not only the exit wounds of all these head shots, but then REVERSE them to show how amazing the shot was to begin with. Again, I get it, and even as I write this I'm wondering how much I'm beginning to swing away from my usual liberal believes at this point. But at the end of the flick you have one very true result. Everyone's fucking dead! I like the twist at the end, that it doesn't look like anyone from the first movie except for the protagonist would come back for a sequel (if there is one, and, come on, this is Hollywood). And I like the way McAvoy's character is taken from his mediocre life into one of action and intrigue. Like I said, the visuals were stunning and the storytelling was spot on. This movie just played as one big ad for the NRA to me overall. I was surprised Christy enjoyed it as much as she did--because I took her to Sin City and she hated it and this was 10 times as violent and bloody. God, I must be getting old.

END SPOILERS

It's funny. We saw a preview for "Death Race" before the movie. What a piece of shit that looks like. Looks like "Days of Thunder" and "Mad Max" butt-fucked "The Longest Yard." Convict must escape prison by racing in post-apocalyptic car-with-machine-guns-and-armor for his freedom. Who will watch that shit? And how much money did it cost to get Jason Statham and Joan Allen on board as deceptively credible cast members? Fucking Hollywood.

Man, I am on a tear today. Thank God it's a short week. Only 3 work days left, and it looks like they might be light. My main supervisor has left town for the duration of the week. That's like 3 of my superiors that are out on vacation. My wife's on vacation, too. Hell, why the fuck ain't I on vacation. Oh, that's right, freelance. We don't get vacations.

Getting more of QUANTUM 7 completed this week. If I stay on it, I could be theoretically done by the end of the holiday. But I do want to enjoy this weekend, too, so it might creep into next week. After that I have to letter a short story I did for the next big CAG anthology and then I can really focus on the important shit. I officially have 6 months to try to crank out some kind of record. More than likely it'll just be demos until I can turn out the fully produced version in the spring of next year. But at least I have a stable of musicians now, and my technical issues are being resolved in my studio. Just need to get that new tower so I can fully run the new version of Logic, which promises to be badass. Then I can also start rallying production clients, begin my production studio here and eventually phase out the graphic design. That would be tits.

Other things to focus on in the next couple weeks: updating the PC press kit, website and getting new business cards that reflect both sides of my career (music on one side, comics on the other). That would be the duality of my Gemini-ness fully realized right there.

Well, time to hit the shower and face the rest of the day. More later.